Low Self Esteem

Safe Space Therapy offers personalised treatments that empower you to overcome low self-esteem, with the guidance of experienced therapists.

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Low Self Esteem

When you just don’t feel great about yourself ...

Self Acceptance is an inside job, not an outside one. Low self esteem is real. It rips away out potential, our passions and can tear our life's purpose away from us. In Psychology we have a term- Cognitive Bias  which translates as prejudice thinking (cognitive meaning ‘thinking’ and bias meaning ‘prejudice’) and describes a very human trait that we all have. Whether you know it or not and, indeed, whether you like it or not, to be human is to have prejudiced thoughts.

However, when these prejudiced thoughts become intrusive, overwhelming and start to over take our own agency of thought and being, issues of self worth creep in and our inner confidence drops.  The simplified definition of cognitive bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, favour, and recall information in a way that confirms one’s preexisting beliefs but if our preexisting beliefs aren't accurate we are in trouble of feeling’s associated with low self esteem.

What you think about yourself has a major effect on not just how you treat yourself but how you also treat others. Self-esteem is our own self’s opinion of ourselves, and if we aren’t able to turn off our critical voice and separate what’s true from what’s based on our own perceptions, low self-esteem can start to build. Low self-esteem can turn into a state of hopelessness by comparing yourself to others, which in turn not just lowers your mood and your perception of yourself but also your ability to feel enjoyment in life.

“Your value and self worth shouldn't be based on someone else's opinion, view or judgment of you”.

Low self esteem is often recognised as having a negative evaluation and perception of yourself based on other people’s opinions or achievements. You start to compare and see yourself as inadequate, inferior and the very common ‘not as good as’ in comparison to others.

It can be described as a negative evaluation or perception of oneself. It involves a persistent and pervasive belief that one is inadequate, inferior, or unworthy in some way. People with low self-esteem may have a distorted self-image and view themselves as flawed or defective. They may also have a tendency to focus on their shortcomings and negative traits while minimizing or discounting their positive qualities and accomplishments. Low self-esteem can lead to a variety of negative consequences, including anxiety, depression, social withdrawal, poor performance in school or work, and difficulty forming and maintaining relationships.

"Depression is a flaw in chemistry, not character."

Jessica Levi

Founder, Safe Space Therapy

How

Low Self Esteem

can show up:

It's important to remember with low self esteem that a lot of these thinking patterns are based on what you believe other people are thinking of you. Giving yourself strategies to look for the evidence in these thoughts will help you to figure out fact from fiction.

Negative self-talk

The most obvious characteristic is the way you talk to yourself. Are you your biggest cheerleader or worst enemy? Individuals with low self-esteem often engage in negative self-talk, constantly criticizing themselves, and focusing on their flaws or perceived shortcomings.

Constant need for validation

You care what people think and their opinions are more important to you than your own. People with low self-esteem may seek constant reassurance and validation from others to feel worthy or accepted. You may rely heavily on external opinions to gauge your self-worth.

Avoidance

The old fear of failure really does show up in individuals with low self esteem. And it's not so much a fear of failing but more so a fear of judgment if you were to fail. It will stop you taking risks and ultimately prevent a life you can take joy from as you will avoid trying new things or pursuing your goals due to a deep-seated belief that you are not capable or deserving of success.

Difficulty accepting compliments

Individuals with low self-esteem may have trouble accepting compliments or positive feedback. You may dismiss or downplay compliments, feeling unworthy of praise.

Perfectionism

Low self esteem and perfectionism are adversaries and best friends. They know each other well. People may set impossibly high standards for themselves and become overly critical when they don't meet those expectations, leading to a perpetual cycle of self-doubt and dissatisfaction.

Social withdrawal

You're so good at comparing yourself to others that you start avoiding social settings in fear of not being able to match up to others. Low self-esteem can make individuals feel inadequate or unworthy in social situations which leads to you avoiding them all together.

People-pleasing behaviour

Individuals with low self-esteem often prioritize the needs and desires of others over their own. You may go to great lengths to gain approval and avoid confrontation, compromising your own well-being in the process.

Lack of assertiveness

Low self-esteem can result in difficulty expressing your own needs, opinions, or boundaries. You may struggle to assert yourself, fearing rejection or disapproval.

Self-sabotage

Due to a lack of self-belief, individuals with low self-esteem may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors that undermine their own success or well-being. This can include procrastination, self-destructive habits, or avoiding opportunities for growth.

Warning signs to look out for

Feelings of low self worth can develop when we’re feeling low or down, among many other reasons. Here are some warning signs to look out for.

Social withdrawal
Withdrawing from social interactions, isolating yourself, or feeling uncomfortable or anxious in social situations due to a fear of judgment or rejection.
Social withdrawal
Withdrawing from social interactions, isolating yourself, or feeling uncomfortable or anxious in social situations due to a fear of judgment or rejection.
Perfectionism
Setting impossibly high standards for yourself and feeling like a failure if those standards are not met.
Overly self-conscious
Constantly worrying about how you are perceived by others, feeling like everyone is judging or scrutinising your every move.
Negative self-talk
Persistent self-criticism, putting yourself down, struggling to accept praise, or using derogatory language when talking about yourself.
Lack of self-confidence
Feeling unsure of your abilities, doubting yourself, and feeling inadequate even when accomplishing tasks successfully.
Emotional sensitivity
Being overly sensitive to criticism or perceived slights, taking things personally, and being easily hurt or offended.
Constant need for validation
Seeking excessive approval and validation from others to feel a sense of worth and constantly doubting your own abilities or decisions.
Avoidance of new challenges
Fear of failure or rejection can lead to avoiding new opportunities or challenges due to a lack of confidence in your abilities.

It's worth noting that experiencing occasional self-doubt or negative thoughts about yourself is normal and does not necessarily indicate low self-esteem. However, if these signs persist and significantly impact your overall well-being and quality of life, it may be beneficial to seek support and speak out in order to get proper guidance and help develop strategies to improve self-esteem.

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself” - Mark Twain

When we feel stressed our bodies respond by activating the nervous system which, in turn releases hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. With these hormones now flooding our system we experience physical changes in the body like an increased heart rate, changes in our breathing, we may sweat more and our pupils become more dilated.

Risk factors

So often low self esteem is blamed on childhood experiences but that's not the only way they come about. Lots of factors can influence and contribute to negative self perception and lack of confidence.

It's important to note that these risk factors do not guarantee low self-esteem, as individuals can develop resilience and coping strategies to overcome these challenges. Seeking support from mental health professionals, building positive relationships, practicing self-care, and challenging negative thoughts can help improve self-esteem.

Let’s take a look at the risk factors:

Childhood experiences

Negative experiences during childhood, such as abuse, neglect, bullying, or criticism from parents or peers, can significantly impact your self-esteem in later life.

Social factors

Rejection, social isolation or a lack of support from friends, family, or social networks can have a negative impact on self-esteem.

Traumatic experiences

Trauma, such as physical or emotional abuse, accidents, or witnessing violence, can deeply impact an individual's self-esteem, leading to feelings of powerlessness or worthlessness.

Negative self-image

A distorted perception of oneself, focusing on your perceived flaws or inadequacies, can contribute to low self-esteem. This negative self-image may be influenced by societal standards.

Critical inner voice

A persistent inner voice that we struggle to shut off reinforces negative beliefs, self-criticism, and self-blame can erode self-esteem over time.

Mental health conditions

Conditions like depression, anxiety disorders, or eating disorders can significantly affect self-esteem.

Setbacks

Failure or difficulties in our pursuits can negatively affect self-esteem, particularly if our sense of self-worth is heavily tied to achievements.

Cultural or societal factors

Cultural values, expectations, or discrimination based on race, gender, sexuality, or other aspects of identity can contribute to low self-esteem if an individual feels marginalised or devalued.

Unrealistic expectations

So often we compare ourselves to others, but how often is the comparison selective and fair? Having unrealistic expectations of ourselves will lead to experiences of low self worth and a wrapped view of self.

Appearance-related concerns

Body image issues, societal pressure to meet certain beauty standards, or dissatisfaction with physical appearance can contribute to low self-esteem, especially in cultures that emphasise external appearances.

Perfectionism

Setting excessively high standards for ourself and being overly critical of any perceived failures or shortcomings can lead to a constant sense of not being good enough contributing to low self-esteem.

Tips for coping

Coping with low self-esteem is a journey that involves self-reflection, self-care, and building positive self-beliefs. Here are some tips that can help:

Practice self-compassion
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would treat a friend. Acknowledge that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes, and it's okay to be imperfect.
Practice self-compassion
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would treat a friend. Acknowledge that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes, and it's okay to be imperfect.
Surround yourself with positive influences
Spend time with supportive and uplifting people who appreciate and value you. Limit contact with those who bring you down or perpetuate negative self-perceptions.
Focus on personal growth
Engage in activities that promote personal development and learning. Take up new hobbies or learn new skills to build confidence and expand your sense of self-worth.
Challenge negative thoughts
Pay attention to your negative self-talk and actively challenge those thoughts. Replace self-critical statements with more realistic and positive affirmations. Focus on your strengths and achievements.
Practice self-acceptance
Embrace your uniqueness and accept yourself as you are, recognising that you have inherent worth beyond external measures of success or appearance. Emphasise self-acceptance rather than seeking validation from others.
Practice self-care
Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This can include exercise, hobbies, meditation, spending time in nature, practicing relaxation techniques, or seeking out activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.
Set realistic goals
Break down larger goals into smaller, attainable steps. Celebrate your progress along the way and acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small.
Celebrate your successes
Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Take pride in your accomplishments and remind yourself of your strengths and capabilities.
Build a support network
Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can provide encouragement, empathy, and understanding. Sharing your experiences and emotions with others can help alleviate feelings of isolation.

Remember that building self-esteem takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate the progress you make along the way. With consistent practice and self-compassion, it's possible to develop a healthier and more positive self-perception.

Ditch Low Self Esteem and Embrace Confidence

Safe Space Therapy offers personalised treatments that empower you to overcome low self esteem, with the guidance of experienced therapists.

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